Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran..

Subject: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Fri Feb 29, 2008 4:16 pm

JAKIM telah mengeluarkan statement bahawa HARAM MENIKAHI PEREMPUAN SATU KAMPUNG..untuk penerangan lanjut kita ikuti temubual ini..

Wartawan: Bagaimana JAKIM boleh mengeluarkan fatwa haram untuk menikahi gadis satu kampung?
Pegawai Kanan: Bagaimana tidak haram, sedangkan menikahi empat orang wanita sahaja sudah berat, apalagi satu kampung...!!!

Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:13 pm

Before marriage....

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: No! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: No! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every chance I get.

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

She: Darling!

After marriage....

Simply read from bottom to top.

Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon Mar 03, 2008 3:35 pm

Not every flower can represent love

but roses did it.

Not every tree can stand thirst,
but cactus did it.

Not every monkey can read this,
but hey you just did it! (Don't marah hah...pray...pray only)

Enjoy your day, and don't forget to smile.

Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon Mar 03, 2008 3:40 pm

A rich businessman had a beautiful daughter,
who fell in love
with a guy who was a cleaner.
When the girl's father came to know about their love,
he did not like
it at all, and so began to protest about it.
Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave
their homes for
a happy future. The girl's father started searching
for the two lovers
but could not find them.
At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come
back home in a
local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come
back I will allow
you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved
each other truly."
So in this way, their love won and they returned
home.
The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress.
He was dressed
in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the
road to the other
side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and
hit him and he died
on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only
after sometimes that
she recovered from her shocked. The funeral and
cremation was the very
next day because he had died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in
which she saw an
old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the
blood stains of the
guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But
her mother ignored
the dream.
The next night her father had the same dream, he also
ignored it.
Then when the girl had the same dream the next night,
she woke up in fear
and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked
her to wash the
clothes which have blood stains immediately.
She washed the stains but some remained. Next night
she again had the
same dream she again washed the stains but some still
remained.
Next night she again had the same dream and this time
the old lady
gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or
else something
terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her
best to wash the stains,
and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still
remained.
She was very tired.
In the late evening the same day while she was alone
at home, someone
knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the
same old lady
of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared
and fainted.
The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue
object, which shocked
the girl. She asked "What is this...?"
The old lady replied...
" Try DYNAMO Liquid Soap ... just a dab and it will
remove all stubborn stains!!!" ...

Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon Mar 31, 2008 9:21 am

Lee Sum Wan : Hello can I speak to Annie Wan?

Mr. Sori : Yes u could speak to me.

Lee Sum Wan : No! I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Mr. Sori : You are now talking to someone! Who is this?

Lee Sum Wan : I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent!

Mr. Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is going to the hospital.

Mr. Sori : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!!!

Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you?

Mr. Sori : I'm Sori.

Lee Sum Wan : You should be sorry. Now give me your name!

Mr. Sori : I'm Sori!!

Lee Sum Wan : I don't like your tone of voice Mr. and I don't care, give me your name!

Mr. Sori : Look lady, I told you already I'm Sori! I'm Sori!! I'm SORI!!! You didn't even give me your name!

Lee Sum Wan : I told u before I'm Sum Wan! Sum Wan!!! You better be careful my father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big position in the company. He is Noe Buddy!

Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:14 am

Micheal warga Australia tidak boleh berbahasa Melayu telah berhijrah ke Malaysia...

Semasa berhijrah ke Malaysia teman-temannya mengajar dia untuk berkata "kuih donut dan kopi" dalam bahasa Melayu agar ia dapat memesan makanannya sendiri.

Keesokan harinya, Micheal masuk ke sebuah warung.

"Nak makan apa?" tanya pelayan.

"Kuih donut dan kopi," kata Micheal.

Kerana hanya itu yang dapat dikatakannya, ia terpaksa memakan kuih donut dan kopi setiap hari selama satu
bulan. Ketika dia mengeluh pada teman-temannya, mereka mengajar pula untuk mengucapkan "roti daging".

Dengan berbekal tambahan kata-kata barunya, Micheal masuk ke restoran dan terus memesan,

"Roti daging."

"Ayam atau Lembu?" tanya si pelayan.

"Kuih donut dan kopi," kata Micheal.

Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:15 am

Seorang anak disuruh oleh ibunya ke kedai untuk berhutang beras.

Anak : "Pakcik.. emak suruh saya hutang beras boleh?."

Penjual : "Boleh.. mahu berapa kilo?"

Anak : "2 kilo pakcik"

Penjual : "Nah ambik ni.. balik tu jalan elok2 tau.."

Anak : "Eh... pakcik.. wang bakinya mana? buat-buat lupa plak dia..."

Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:19 am

Dalam suatu perbicaraan di Mahkamah.. Hakim meminta pesalah berdiri untuk diperdengarkan tuduhan.

"Saudara didakwa membunuh seorang guru dengan menggunakan gergaji" kata hakim.

Dari belakang terdengar seseorang berteriak... "Kurang ajar!!!"

"Bawa bertenang. Ini Mahkahmah!" bentak hakim.

Hakim kemudian membacakan lagi tuduhan...

"Saudara juga didakwa melakukan pembunuhan terhadap seorang penjual akhbar dengan
menggunakan pisau..!"

"Celaka!!!" teriak pengunjung tadi.

"Tenang, Bawa tenang!" teriak hakim dengan keras.

"Dan.. saudara juga dituduh melakukan pembunuhan terhadap seorang posmen dengan menggunakan
parang..!" kata hakim.

"Keparat!!!" teriak pengunjung tadi tanpa boleh ditahan.

Dengan geram Hakim berkata,
"Jika anda tidak boleh berikan alasan kenapa anda berperangai seperti ini.. saya akan
perintahkan anda di masukkan ke Hospital Bahagia atas kesalahan menghina mahkahmah!"

"Maaf.. Yang Arif..." pengunjung tadi berkata...
"Saya adalah jiran pesalah... sebenarnya setiap kali saya ingin meminjam gergaji, Pisau dan
parang... dia selalu cakap... tidak ada!"

Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Thu May 08, 2008 10:13 pm

Jadual Keretapi

Satu pagi di sebuah stesen keretapi, seorang Nenek sebaya opah aku bertanya kepada petugas kaunter;

Nenek : Nak....keretapi sampai jam berapa??

Petugas Kaunter : Jam 2 Kedah, jam 5 Kelantan, jam 1 Penang, jam 7 Gemas.... Nenek nak pergi mana??

Nenek : Nenek nak melintas jer

Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon May 12, 2008 8:48 am

Bunyi Binatang

Suatu pagi di sebuah TADIKA KEMAS yang terletak di Jalan San Peng;

Cikgu : Baik anak-anak murid.... pagi ni kita akan belajar mengenal bunyi haiwan. Fairuz, macam mana bunyi ayam berkokok?

Fairuz : Kok kokk kokkkkk!!!!!

Cikgu : Bagus Fairuz... Amy, buat bunyi kucing pula.

Amy : Meowwww

Cikgu : Amboi, manja kucing tu ya.... Udin, buaya bagaimana pula bunyinya?

Udin : Fewittt! Hai, Cik Adik! Sorang jer...? Abang temankan ya...

Cikgu : Bunyi buaya apa tu???

Udin : Buaya darat cikgu!!

Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon May 12, 2008 8:49 am

Atuk Dan Cucunya

Seorang Atuk membawa Cucunya ke pejabat pos untuk menghantar surat. Cucunya bertanya apabila melihat atuknya memasukkan surat ke dalam tong berwarna merah.

"Atuk buat apa tu?"

"Atuk bagi surat kat kawan atuk, Cu..." jawap Atuknya.

Cucunya bertanya lagi,

"Apa bangang sangat kawan Atuk duduk dalam tong merah tu?"

Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon May 12, 2008 8:53 am

100%

Hari itu Mimi pulang daripada sekolah dengan girangnya. Sampai di rumah, dia terus mencari-cari ibunya.

Mimi : Ibu! Ibu! Mimi dapat 100%!

Ibu : Wah, pandainya anak ibu! Subjek apa yang 100% tu?

Mimi : BM 50%, BI 20% dan Matematik 30%... Mimi pandaikan Bu?

Apa respons ibu Mimi, KORANG agak sendiri la yea.

Wahahahahahahaha.

Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon May 26, 2008 2:55 pm

SEBAB GAGAL TEMUDUGA

A- Penemuduga
B- Orang yang ditemuduga

SI TUASI 1
A : Ada boyfriend?
B : Ada.
A : Dia bekerja dalam negara ke?
B : Oh tidak. Dia bekerja di luar
negara.
A : Maaf, syarikat kami tidak boleh
terima kamu bekerja di sini.
B : Mengapa ?? (nada terkejut)
A : Emm… kamu mesti tidak akan lama
bekerja di sini dan yang paling
penting syarikat tidak akan mampu
membayar bil panggilan antarabangsa
kamu .

SITUASI 2
A : Kamu ada teman wanita?
B : Tiada.
A : Tak cuba untuk dapatkan seorang
ke?
B : Pernah mencuba tapi tak berjaya.
A : Pernahkah kamu terfikir untuk
mendapatkan kerja terlebih dahulu dan
kemudian barulah mencari teman wanita.
B : Saya mementingkan kerjaya dan buat
masa sekarang saya tidak mahu
memikirkan perkara (cinta) tersebut.
Itu urusan peribadi.
A : Nampaknya saya tidak dapat
menggaji kamu.
B : Tapi kenapa encik?
A : Kamu lemah kemahiran berkomunikasi
dan tiada keakinan diri, itu saja.

SITUASI 3
A : Kamu nampak cantik dan bergaya.
Tentu kamu sudah mempunyai teman
lelaki kan??
B : (Tersenyum bangga). Emm ya saya.
A : Sudah tentu dia seorang yang kaya
(sambil mengurut janggut).
B : Tuan memang bijak. Dia antara yang
terkaya dalam negara ini dan memiliki
syarikat besar.
A : Oo begitu rupanya. Cik maaflah
saya tidak dapat menerima kamu bekerja
di sini kerana teman lelaki kamu
sendiri pun tidak menerima kamu
bekerja di syarikatnya. Ini kan pula
saya.
B: Tapi..tiada jawatan yang sesuai
dengan saya di syarikatnya.
A : Jadi apa jawatan yang sesuai
dengan kamu?
B : Setiausaha.
A : Maaf sekali lagi. Kamu tidak layak
bekerja di sini kerana kecantikan kamu
akan menjejaskan semangat kerja
pengurus kami.
B : Tapi saya bukannya cantik sangat
pun encik.
B : Haa…lagi bermasalah sebabnya
pengurus saya
pasti tidak berminat
dengan kamu
A : Gulp…

SITUASI 4
A : Ada girlfriend?
B : Ada.
A : Cantik tak dia?
B : Biasa je.
A : Hmm…maaflah kamu tidak layak
bekerja di sini.
B : Tapi kenapa encik ?
A : Syarikat kami terlibat dalam
perniagaan berkaitan seni dan
memerlukan seseorang yang berseni.
Tetapi kamu langsung tidak mempunyai
ciri-ci ri tersebut. Teman wanita pun
biasa je.
B : Haa…(melopong)

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