| Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. | |
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Lieza Moderator
Number of posts : 185 Age : 39 Tempat Tinggal : KLCC Pelajar/Bekerja/Penganggur : Invoice clerk Registration date : 2008-02-29
| Subject: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Fri Feb 29, 2008 4:16 pm | |
| JAKIM telah mengeluarkan statement bahawa HARAM MENIKAHI PEREMPUAN SATU KAMPUNG..untuk penerangan lanjut kita ikuti temubual ini.. Wartawan: Bagaimana JAKIM boleh mengeluarkan fatwa haram untuk menikahi gadis satu kampung? Pegawai Kanan: Bagaimana tidak haram, sedangkan menikahi empat orang wanita sahaja sudah berat, apalagi satu kampung...!!! | |
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Lieza Moderator
Number of posts : 185 Age : 39 Tempat Tinggal : KLCC Pelajar/Bekerja/Penganggur : Invoice clerk Registration date : 2008-02-29
| Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:13 pm | |
| Before marriage.... He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage.... Simply read from bottom to top. | |
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Lieza Moderator
Number of posts : 185 Age : 39 Tempat Tinggal : KLCC Pelajar/Bekerja/Penganggur : Invoice clerk Registration date : 2008-02-29
| Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon Mar 03, 2008 3:35 pm | |
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Not every flower can represent love but roses did it. Not every tree can stand thirst, but cactus did it. Not every monkey can read this, but hey you just did it! (Don't marah hah...pray...pray only)
Enjoy your day, and don't forget to smile. | |
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Lieza Moderator
Number of posts : 185 Age : 39 Tempat Tinggal : KLCC Pelajar/Bekerja/Penganggur : Invoice clerk Registration date : 2008-02-29
| Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon Mar 03, 2008 3:40 pm | |
| A rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a guy who was a cleaner. When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it. Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them. At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly." So in this way, their love won and they returned home. The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after sometimes that she recovered from her shocked. The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had died horribly. Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream. The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately. She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained. Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained. She was very tired. In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted. The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl. She asked "What is this...?" The old lady replied... " Try DYNAMO Liquid Soap ... just a dab and it will remove all stubborn stains!!!" ...
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Lieza Moderator
Number of posts : 185 Age : 39 Tempat Tinggal : KLCC Pelajar/Bekerja/Penganggur : Invoice clerk Registration date : 2008-02-29
| Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon Mar 31, 2008 9:21 am | |
| Lee Sum Wan : Hello can I speak to Annie Wan?
Mr. Sori : Yes u could speak to me.
Lee Sum Wan : No! I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Mr. Sori : You are now talking to someone! Who is this?
Lee Sum Wan : I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent!
Mr. Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is going to the hospital.
Mr. Sori : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!!!
Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you?
Mr. Sori : I'm Sori.
Lee Sum Wan : You should be sorry. Now give me your name!
Mr. Sori : I'm Sori!!
Lee Sum Wan : I don't like your tone of voice Mr. and I don't care, give me your name!
Mr. Sori : Look lady, I told you already I'm Sori! I'm Sori!! I'm SORI!!! You didn't even give me your name!
Lee Sum Wan : I told u before I'm Sum Wan! Sum Wan!!! You better be careful my father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big position in the company. He is Noe Buddy! | |
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Lieza Moderator
Number of posts : 185 Age : 39 Tempat Tinggal : KLCC Pelajar/Bekerja/Penganggur : Invoice clerk Registration date : 2008-02-29
| Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:14 am | |
| Micheal warga Australia tidak boleh berbahasa Melayu telah berhijrah ke Malaysia...
Semasa berhijrah ke Malaysia teman-temannya mengajar dia untuk berkata "kuih donut dan kopi" dalam bahasa Melayu agar ia dapat memesan makanannya sendiri.
Keesokan harinya, Micheal masuk ke sebuah warung.
"Nak makan apa?" tanya pelayan.
"Kuih donut dan kopi," kata Micheal.
Kerana hanya itu yang dapat dikatakannya, ia terpaksa memakan kuih donut dan kopi setiap hari selama satu bulan. Ketika dia mengeluh pada teman-temannya, mereka mengajar pula untuk mengucapkan "roti daging".
Dengan berbekal tambahan kata-kata barunya, Micheal masuk ke restoran dan terus memesan,
"Roti daging."
"Ayam atau Lembu?" tanya si pelayan.
"Kuih donut dan kopi," kata Micheal. | |
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Lieza Moderator
Number of posts : 185 Age : 39 Tempat Tinggal : KLCC Pelajar/Bekerja/Penganggur : Invoice clerk Registration date : 2008-02-29
| Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:15 am | |
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Seorang anak disuruh oleh ibunya ke kedai untuk berhutang beras.
Anak : "Pakcik.. emak suruh saya hutang beras boleh?."
Penjual : "Boleh.. mahu berapa kilo?"
Anak : "2 kilo pakcik"
Penjual : "Nah ambik ni.. balik tu jalan elok2 tau.."
Anak : "Eh... pakcik.. wang bakinya mana? buat-buat lupa plak dia..."
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Lieza Moderator
Number of posts : 185 Age : 39 Tempat Tinggal : KLCC Pelajar/Bekerja/Penganggur : Invoice clerk Registration date : 2008-02-29
| Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:19 am | |
| Dalam suatu perbicaraan di Mahkamah.. Hakim meminta pesalah berdiri untuk diperdengarkan tuduhan.
"Saudara didakwa membunuh seorang guru dengan menggunakan gergaji" kata hakim.
Dari belakang terdengar seseorang berteriak... "Kurang ajar!!!"
"Bawa bertenang. Ini Mahkahmah!" bentak hakim.
Hakim kemudian membacakan lagi tuduhan...
"Saudara juga didakwa melakukan pembunuhan terhadap seorang penjual akhbar dengan menggunakan pisau..!"
"Celaka!!!" teriak pengunjung tadi.
"Tenang, Bawa tenang!" teriak hakim dengan keras.
"Dan.. saudara juga dituduh melakukan pembunuhan terhadap seorang posmen dengan menggunakan parang..!" kata hakim.
"Keparat!!!" teriak pengunjung tadi tanpa boleh ditahan.
Dengan geram Hakim berkata, "Jika anda tidak boleh berikan alasan kenapa anda berperangai seperti ini.. saya akan perintahkan anda di masukkan ke Hospital Bahagia atas kesalahan menghina mahkahmah!"
"Maaf.. Yang Arif..." pengunjung tadi berkata... "Saya adalah jiran pesalah... sebenarnya setiap kali saya ingin meminjam gergaji, Pisau dan parang... dia selalu cakap... tidak ada!" | |
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Lieza Moderator
Number of posts : 185 Age : 39 Tempat Tinggal : KLCC Pelajar/Bekerja/Penganggur : Invoice clerk Registration date : 2008-02-29
| Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Thu May 08, 2008 10:13 pm | |
| Jadual Keretapi
Satu pagi di sebuah stesen keretapi, seorang Nenek sebaya opah aku bertanya kepada petugas kaunter;
Nenek : Nak....keretapi sampai jam berapa??
Petugas Kaunter : Jam 2 Kedah, jam 5 Kelantan, jam 1 Penang, jam 7 Gemas.... Nenek nak pergi mana??
Nenek : Nenek nak melintas jer
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Lieza Moderator
Number of posts : 185 Age : 39 Tempat Tinggal : KLCC Pelajar/Bekerja/Penganggur : Invoice clerk Registration date : 2008-02-29
| Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon May 12, 2008 8:48 am | |
| Bunyi Binatang
Suatu pagi di sebuah TADIKA KEMAS yang terletak di Jalan San Peng;
Cikgu : Baik anak-anak murid.... pagi ni kita akan belajar mengenal bunyi haiwan. Fairuz, macam mana bunyi ayam berkokok?
Fairuz : Kok kokk kokkkkk!!!!!
Cikgu : Bagus Fairuz... Amy, buat bunyi kucing pula.
Amy : Meowwww
Cikgu : Amboi, manja kucing tu ya.... Udin, buaya bagaimana pula bunyinya?
Udin : Fewittt! Hai, Cik Adik! Sorang jer...? Abang temankan ya...
Cikgu : Bunyi buaya apa tu???
Udin : Buaya darat cikgu!!
Last edited by Lieza on Mon May 12, 2008 8:51 am; edited 2 times in total | |
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Lieza Moderator
Number of posts : 185 Age : 39 Tempat Tinggal : KLCC Pelajar/Bekerja/Penganggur : Invoice clerk Registration date : 2008-02-29
| Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon May 12, 2008 8:49 am | |
| Atuk Dan Cucunya
Seorang Atuk membawa Cucunya ke pejabat pos untuk menghantar surat. Cucunya bertanya apabila melihat atuknya memasukkan surat ke dalam tong berwarna merah.
"Atuk buat apa tu?"
"Atuk bagi surat kat kawan atuk, Cu..." jawap Atuknya.
Cucunya bertanya lagi,
"Apa bangang sangat kawan Atuk duduk dalam tong merah tu?"
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Lieza Moderator
Number of posts : 185 Age : 39 Tempat Tinggal : KLCC Pelajar/Bekerja/Penganggur : Invoice clerk Registration date : 2008-02-29
| Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon May 12, 2008 8:53 am | |
| 100%
Hari itu Mimi pulang daripada sekolah dengan girangnya. Sampai di rumah, dia terus mencari-cari ibunya.
Mimi : Ibu! Ibu! Mimi dapat 100%!
Ibu : Wah, pandainya anak ibu! Subjek apa yang 100% tu?
Mimi : BM 50%, BI 20% dan Matematik 30%... Mimi pandaikan Bu?
Apa respons ibu Mimi, KORANG agak sendiri la yea.
Wahahahahahahaha.
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Lieza Moderator
Number of posts : 185 Age : 39 Tempat Tinggal : KLCC Pelajar/Bekerja/Penganggur : Invoice clerk Registration date : 2008-02-29
| Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. Mon May 26, 2008 2:55 pm | |
| SEBAB GAGAL TEMUDUGA
A- Penemuduga B- Orang yang ditemuduga
SI TUASI 1 A : Ada boyfriend? B : Ada. A : Dia bekerja dalam negara ke? B : Oh tidak. Dia bekerja di luar negara. A : Maaf, syarikat kami tidak boleh terima kamu bekerja di sini. B : Mengapa ?? (nada terkejut) A : Emm… kamu mesti tidak akan lama bekerja di sini dan yang paling penting syarikat tidak akan mampu membayar bil panggilan antarabangsa kamu .
SITUASI 2 A : Kamu ada teman wanita? B : Tiada. A : Tak cuba untuk dapatkan seorang ke? B : Pernah mencuba tapi tak berjaya. A : Pernahkah kamu terfikir untuk mendapatkan kerja terlebih dahulu dan kemudian barulah mencari teman wanita. B : Saya mementingkan kerjaya dan buat masa sekarang saya tidak mahu memikirkan perkara (cinta) tersebut. Itu urusan peribadi. A : Nampaknya saya tidak dapat menggaji kamu. B : Tapi kenapa encik? A : Kamu lemah kemahiran berkomunikasi dan tiada keakinan diri, itu saja.
SITUASI 3 A : Kamu nampak cantik dan bergaya. Tentu kamu sudah mempunyai teman lelaki kan?? B : (Tersenyum bangga). Emm ya saya. A : Sudah tentu dia seorang yang kaya (sambil mengurut janggut). B : Tuan memang bijak. Dia antara yang terkaya dalam negara ini dan memiliki syarikat besar. A : Oo begitu rupanya. Cik maaflah saya tidak dapat menerima kamu bekerja di sini kerana teman lelaki kamu sendiri pun tidak menerima kamu bekerja di syarikatnya. Ini kan pula saya. B: Tapi..tiada jawatan yang sesuai dengan saya di syarikatnya. A : Jadi apa jawatan yang sesuai dengan kamu? B : Setiausaha. A : Maaf sekali lagi. Kamu tidak layak bekerja di sini kerana kecantikan kamu akan menjejaskan semangat kerja pengurus kami. B : Tapi saya bukannya cantik sangat pun encik. B : Haa…lagi bermasalah sebabnya pengurus saya pasti tidak berminat dengan kamu A : Gulp…
SITUASI 4 A : Ada girlfriend? B : Ada. A : Cantik tak dia? B : Biasa je. A : Hmm…maaflah kamu tidak layak bekerja di sini. B : Tapi kenapa encik ? A : Syarikat kami terlibat dalam perniagaan berkaitan seni dan memerlukan seseorang yang berseni. Tetapi kamu langsung tidak mempunyai ciri-ci ri tersebut. Teman wanita pun biasa je. B : Haa…(melopong) | |
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| Subject: Re: Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. | |
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| Rehat minda, tenangkan fikiran.. | |
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